First off, apologies for waiting to write this entry until a week after the actual D-Day (deployment day) for our family work/vacation to Hawaii. Let's just say that I've spent more time in uniform while the rest of my family has been hanging out in board shorts... Anyway, I wanted to give some advice to anyone else out there pondering the insanity of flying small children across the US and then an ocean...
D-2 months (2 months before deploying) or earlier:
1. Confirm that your work is actually sending you to Hawaii.
2. Begin compiling a list of people you can bribe to come with you so you have an extra set of arms, feet, etc. on the plane ride and waiting to assist you in Hawaii.
3. Start researching where you can stay... Avoid hotels in Waikiki that don't even include a microwave in your room.
4. Purchase a blank notebook so you have enough paper to write down all the items you will need to travel with small children.
D-1 month:
1. Confirm that your work is actually sending you to Hawaii.
2. Buy Visine for your eyes. Your eyes will blur as you attempt to match up your official flight reservation and the family's flight reservation. This will require a minimum of at least four hours and two browser windows. Oh, and you'll need that extra Visine because you'll think you're seeing things when you see the cost of the government flight and the commercial flight because they're nowhere near the same... And don't even think of actually talking to an actual person to book your ticket. There's a fee for that.
3. Consider refinancing your house to pay for the airfare. A short note here: my sanity was definitely worth the $1200 cost for Owen to have his own seat.
4. Reserve place to stay. Highly recommend looking into renting a condo or house with full kitchen and at least two bedrooms. No vacation is actually a vacation if the small children stay in the room with you the entire time... That'll limit you to whispering after your kids' bedtime every night. Oh, and finding a place in Hawaii that is under the federal TDY amount that has two bedrooms during high tourist season... You might need to reserve it the previous winter.
5. Exploit your status as an active duty military member and become best friends with your ITT office. Who knew they offered vacation packages to Hawaii? Or rental car deals? Or would allow you to talk the Airman's Attic at Hickam into loaning you a pack and play for the baby so you don't have to pay for one?
6. Order copies of your children's birth certificate if you don't have them already. Despite the fact that my infant (!) does not look anywhere near the age of 2 (unless of course you have a ticket agent with ZERO experience with small children and blurs all children under the age of 18 together...), you may still be asked to produce evidence they can travel for free on your lap.
7. Talk to your pediatrician for a drug recommendation for your child. Pick up said drug and test. Hope your child is not in the 25% that actually become more hyper on cold medicine.
D-2 weeks:
1. Confirm that your work is actually sending you to Hawaii.
2. Begin researching your airline's baggage policy as you figure out what you can bring with you. Exploit your status as an active duty military member. For example, as active duty traveling on orders on United, I could check up to 5 bags weighing up to 70 lbs a piece. Oh, and car seats and strollers do not count against your baggage count. You'll need every free checked bag you can get.
D-1 week:
1. Confirm that your work is actually sending you to Hawaii. True story, the week before I was scheduled to leave, there was a decent possibility the trip was going to be cancelled. I nearly had a heart attack.
2. Print off copies of everything: flight itinerary, rental car reservations, baggage policies, TSA policy, directions to where you're staying... Oh, and any actual work related items you might need. Oh, and thanks to the US government, the TSA allows you to carry juice for your toddler through security but not cow milk... Huh?
3. Stockpile enough snacks and food to get you through a day's worth of traveling or a category 2 hurricane, whatever may come first. On an 8 hour flight, we were offered zero food for free. And I could only feel sorry for the little girl who begged her dad incessantly for a $30 (!) cheese plate.
4. Pack your bags. Let the neighbors think you're moving out with the amount of luggage piled up in the hallway. Make sure to mark your bags with crazy ribbon to distinguish them from everyone else's. And definitely distribute everything you may need throughout bags.
D-1:
1. Confirm that your work is actually sending you to Hawaii.
2. Dress kids in clothes they will travel in so when you wake up at 0230 in the morning for a 0600 flight departure, at least one of you will sleep.
3. Give your kids a bath too so they will smell nice, giving the people around you one less thing to complain about, and so that they will have bedhead.
This is just a quick overview of the amount of work that went into planning for this trip. The actual planning took a lot more stress and heartache than actually can be pushed through a blog.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Thank heavens for 24 hr children's programming!
Okay, so people will realize that I'm not a paragon of great parenting decisions, particularly in the moment. If I have time to muster all of the parental knowledge I've consumed by reading paranoid parenting news postings, blog entries, or magazine articles, then I tend to make good decisions. But faced with the squirming toddler in my lap while out at food tasting with friends... Sure, Mountain Dew seemed like a great idea!
First off, Owen has a major sweet tooth. He's learned that the best way to avoid having sugary treats confiscated from him is to go into feast-or-famine mode and vacuum up as much as he can. He'll stuff his cheeks full of marsh mellows so that he resembles a little, half-Asian squirrel preparing for winter. What this meant during this fateful food tasting was that he sucked up more than a quarter of a can of Mountain Dew before I realized how much he had consumed. To put things in perspective... There are 55 mg of caffeine in one soda can. He probably took in at least 14 mg of caffeine over the course of five minutes. The effects were not immediately apparent, at least not to me. He was still as energetic as ever as any little toddler was.
And then... it was 2000, and he was still bouncing off the walls.
And then... it was 2100, and he was still bouncing off the walls. He refused to lay down to go to sleep.
And then... it was 2200, and though he had now consumed over 10 oz of whole, full-fat, delicious, fresh from the dairy milk, he was still bouncing off the walls. Normally 4 oz of milk knocks him out.
And then... it was 2230, and he was still running strong. My husband at this point had given up trying to put him to sleep. He even had given up staying up late sympathetically with me. As he said, "It was your decision to give him Mountain Dew so now you have to pay."
And then... it was 2300, and he was still awake. By this time, he was finally tired, but there was so much caffeine coursing through his system that he couldn't sleep. I also belatedly realized he had never taken a nap. All he could do was make this sad sort of whine/cry every fifteen minutes. He had been up since 0630 in the morning. It was the toddler equivalent of pulling the Ironman in watches (standing the 0200-0700 and then staying up and standing the 2200-0200 watch as well). But I was also exhausted. I had also been up since 0630 without a nap. So I desperately decided to turn to that favorite electronic babysitter, the television. I was afraid I would only find adults-only entertainment, the sort of normal fare you find on HBO only, since I hadn't been up this late watching television in a very long time.
And then... I found it. The beautiful world of 24 hour children's programming on WETA Kids. Thank heavens for public programming! There was something educational, something that wouldn't prove traumatic to my toddler's already fragile state of mind. We watched Thomas the Tank Engine, which seemed really strange from when I used to watch it as kid. In retrospect, the fact that trains have faces where only their eyes move seems really creepy...
And then... by 2355, thanks to the slightly creepy Thomas the Tank Engine and a bottle of milk, Owen was finally blissfully asleep.
I used to wonder why they would make 24 hour children's programming since you know, some of my tax money goes to fund this channel. Kids shouldn't be up that late. Now I know. It's designed for those poor souls who are still awake with their children suffering because they made the terrible parenting decision to let their child have Mountain Dew. So for the next year or so, I am going to promise to not give my toddler Mountain Dew. We'll stick to ginger ale, which at least is caffeine free.
First off, Owen has a major sweet tooth. He's learned that the best way to avoid having sugary treats confiscated from him is to go into feast-or-famine mode and vacuum up as much as he can. He'll stuff his cheeks full of marsh mellows so that he resembles a little, half-Asian squirrel preparing for winter. What this meant during this fateful food tasting was that he sucked up more than a quarter of a can of Mountain Dew before I realized how much he had consumed. To put things in perspective... There are 55 mg of caffeine in one soda can. He probably took in at least 14 mg of caffeine over the course of five minutes. The effects were not immediately apparent, at least not to me. He was still as energetic as ever as any little toddler was.
And then... it was 2000, and he was still bouncing off the walls.
And then... it was 2100, and he was still bouncing off the walls. He refused to lay down to go to sleep.
And then... it was 2200, and though he had now consumed over 10 oz of whole, full-fat, delicious, fresh from the dairy milk, he was still bouncing off the walls. Normally 4 oz of milk knocks him out.
And then... it was 2230, and he was still running strong. My husband at this point had given up trying to put him to sleep. He even had given up staying up late sympathetically with me. As he said, "It was your decision to give him Mountain Dew so now you have to pay."
And then... it was 2300, and he was still awake. By this time, he was finally tired, but there was so much caffeine coursing through his system that he couldn't sleep. I also belatedly realized he had never taken a nap. All he could do was make this sad sort of whine/cry every fifteen minutes. He had been up since 0630 in the morning. It was the toddler equivalent of pulling the Ironman in watches (standing the 0200-0700 and then staying up and standing the 2200-0200 watch as well). But I was also exhausted. I had also been up since 0630 without a nap. So I desperately decided to turn to that favorite electronic babysitter, the television. I was afraid I would only find adults-only entertainment, the sort of normal fare you find on HBO only, since I hadn't been up this late watching television in a very long time.
And then... I found it. The beautiful world of 24 hour children's programming on WETA Kids. Thank heavens for public programming! There was something educational, something that wouldn't prove traumatic to my toddler's already fragile state of mind. We watched Thomas the Tank Engine, which seemed really strange from when I used to watch it as kid. In retrospect, the fact that trains have faces where only their eyes move seems really creepy...
And then... by 2355, thanks to the slightly creepy Thomas the Tank Engine and a bottle of milk, Owen was finally blissfully asleep.
I used to wonder why they would make 24 hour children's programming since you know, some of my tax money goes to fund this channel. Kids shouldn't be up that late. Now I know. It's designed for those poor souls who are still awake with their children suffering because they made the terrible parenting decision to let their child have Mountain Dew. So for the next year or so, I am going to promise to not give my toddler Mountain Dew. We'll stick to ginger ale, which at least is caffeine free.
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