Monday, November 26, 2012

The Great Cookie Heist of November 2012

There is a reason why when I leave to go to work, I kiss the kids and tell them, "Don't cause too much chaos and destruction."  They're incredibly smart... and devious... and have a terrible sweet tooth.  The last part is really my doing.  So a couple of weeks ago, the Great Cookie Heist of 2012 happened...  I can only imagine this is what went through their minds:

Owen: Mom gone out of country, Dad distracted by IPAD.  Check.

Anduin: I'll continue to lull Dad into a further sense of false security by playing nearby and making obnoxiously loud, happy baby sounds while playing noisily with my toys.

Owen: Hmm...  The only chair that can reach the upper cabinets where Dad's stashed the boxes of Girl Scout Cookies is the bar stool...

Owen moves one of the kitchen bar stools to the upper pantry.  He climbs on top and carefully opens the upper cabinet.  He then proceeds to search amongst the boxes of dry goods...

Owen: Hmm....  Tagalongs are in the red box...  That's just a box of oatmeal Mom keeps trying to feed me...  A-ha!  Samoas!  Chocolate drizzled, caramel coated coconut goodness in the purple box!  That's the one.

Owen grabs the box, proceeds to climb down the bar stool, and wanders over to the living room carpet where Anduin's playing loudly and happily.  He then proceeds to open the box, open the plastic wrapping, and dump the entire contents of the box of Girl Scout cookies in front of Anduin.  Anduin squeals happily as she and her brother hurriedly stuff as many Samoas as they can into their mouths before Dad notices.

Dad only notices after half the box is gone.

And now I know why there were no Samoas waiting for me when I got back...

At least the kids are sharing.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

It's All About the Environment, Baby

Coworker while in Korea: I used to think my son was so well-behaved until I took him to daycare.  He's a bad, bad boy!

I used to think that Anduin was the cutest, sweetest, best behaved baby...  And then she started actually growing up.  Turns out that she's the cutest, sweetest, most stubborn baby.  Cases in point:

When I first went back to work, she decided she would show her displeasure the only way she could: By refusing to eat while I was at work.  Others may think it was because she had never taken a bottle before, but she had.  And she wasn't at day care.  She was being cared for by her grandmothers and Dad, who have obviously taken care of her before.  She refused to eat though while I was at work so that when I came home, she was basically attached to me until she went to bed.  I figured that after a couple of days of this, she would give in due to hunger pangs.

I was wrong.

She kept it up for two full weeks.  At end of the first week, I called the pediatrician.  He referred us to a childhood behavioral specialist who saw us nearly everyday for a week.  I was a little embarrassed that my six week old required a behavioral specialist already.

And then at some point, she figured out this was how things were going to be.  She started taking bottles and never looked back.

Flash forward nine months later.   She and Owen are having their real first taste of daycare at the local Child Development Center on base.  Niles and I are trying it out to give him a break.  It is the afternoon during their first full day at the CDC when I receive the call...  "LT Armstrong, your daughter has refused to eat all day."  Her voice was full of concern.

Me, however, I knew Anduin's tricks by now and just shrugged it off.  We did, though, eat Dunkin's donuts and Baskin Robbins ice cream as soon as I picked them up.  Probably not the best way to reward stubborn behavior... but you know, the kid had to eat.  :)


 

Thursday, November 8, 2012

The Asian Genes Are Strong...

Though my kids get 50% of their genes from me and Niles, they don't appear that way.  As I've always said, the Asian genes are strong...  Dark hair and eyes beat the blond hair/blue eyes from Niles into submission.  Owen looks about 99.9999% Asian while Anduin might be 80% Asian.  Anyway, below are three true stories.  So if your kids are going to be hapa (mixed race) too, you might want to start preparing.

Story 1:
Niles is walking through Toys R Us with Owen, wondering when he can start buying Owen legos.  A well-intentioned woman comes up to him and asks, "Is that a boy or a girl?"
Niles answers, looking at Owen wearing khakis and an orange button down shirt, "A boy."
Well-intentioned woman:  He is so cute!  My daughter adopted a little girl from China.  Where is yours from?
Niles: My wife.  She's Asian... and somewhere around here...
Awkward silence ensues.

Story 2:
My mother-in-law is watching Owen for the weekend.  First off, she's got sandy blond hair and blue eyes.  While chasing Owen on the playground, another well-intentioned woman comes up to her and says, "Your son is so cute!"
My MIL: Thanks, but he's my grandson.
Well-intentioned woman: Oh, where did you get him from?
My MIL: My daughter-in-law's lady parts.
REALLY awkward silence ensues.

Story 3:
Niles is at our local polling center doing his civic duty with two young children.  One kind poll worker holds Anduin while Niles holds a sleeping Owen.  Another well-intentioned woman comes up to Niles.
Well-intentioned woman:  They're so cute!  Are they twins?
Niles: No, they're 13 months apart.
Well-intentioned woman: You're so lucky to have a boy! 
Niles: Well, you know, you've got a 50-50 chance.
Well-intentioned woman: My daughter adopted a baby from China, and they only offered her girls.
Niles: Oh!  He's my biological son, or at least that's what my wife says.  He just doesn't look anything like me.
Awkward silence before changing subjects and cooing over Anduin...

So in case you think the parent who doesn't look like they've contributed any genes to the baby gets all of the awkward child interactions...

Story 4:
Me at the Dunkin Donuts at base trying to feed two starving children a nutritous snack of donuts and ice cream.  Owen is pointing to the letters I ask him while we wait.  Another well-intentioned woman in front of me in line starts conversation.
Well-intentioned woman: Oh, they're so cute!
Me: Thanks.
Well-intentioned woman: And so smart!  Asian babies are always so smart!
Me: ...
Well-intentioned woman: My daughter adopted a baby from China, and she's so smart for her age.
Me: ...

Because in case you didn't know, all Asian babies are ninjas and super smart.  Which is good since the Asian genes are strong in hapa babies.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Because Everything's Better with Ears

Being TDY in Korea has actually given me the luxury to ponder the finite universe of baby clothes.  Having spent every available moment shopping here (in order to make up for the lack of shopping time once I return home), I've noticed a distinct clothing trend...

Everything's better with ears.

Think of all those cute hooded sweatshirts that have teddy bear ears that Carter's makes back in the US.  I know all of you parents have one out there because let's face it, we know that...

Everything's better with ears.

Here, nearly every single shirt has a hood... and if it has a hood, it has ears on it.  Those ears could be bear ears, cat ears, bunny ears.  It doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl, it will have ears on it.  And it's not just limited to baby or kids clothing either.  I found myself channeling my inner 12 year old Asian girl as I carefully studied a hooded sweatshirt with a picture of a bunny wearing glasses... and you guessed it, bunny ears on the hood.  I couldn't resist and ended up buying a blue knit hat with ears...  Why?

Everything's better with ears.

So next time you want something annoyingly, ridiculously cute for your child, you know what you have to do.  Buy something with ears.

Speaking of which, I think there's a hat or two calling Owen and Anduin's names...  Gotta run.


Friday, November 2, 2012

If I Ever End Up In a Korean Jail...

... this is why.

I abducted a baby or a toddler, spirited them back to my hotel room, and snuggled with them.  I may have also tickled them to hear them giggle.  And in the worst case, I would have fed them sugary treats.

I'm TDY in Korea.  This is my first time away from the kids longer than a couple of days.  I'm (mom)sick for my kids...  Don't get me wrong, the freedom to use the bathroom by myself, shop to my heart's content, get a massage/pedicure, go out to eat...  All of these are great.  But then I find myself watching small children and babies, wondering if they like to eat Oreos like mine...  I am afraid I look somewhat creepy watching small children like a hawk.  I really need to learn the Korean for, "I'm not a pedophile, but just miss my babies.  Can I hold yours?"

But here's the extra irony.  Since I'm staying in a hotel right outside a US military base in Korea, there are tons of little half-Korean kids and babies (hapa in Hawaiian) who bear an uncanny resemblance to my little hapa babies.  And I look like a local!  So maybe the Korean police will be kinder on me when they find me curled up in a hotel with a kidnapped infant.