Okay, so people will realize that I'm not a paragon of great parenting decisions, particularly in the moment. If I have time to muster all of the parental knowledge I've consumed by reading paranoid parenting news postings, blog entries, or magazine articles, then I tend to make good decisions. But faced with the squirming toddler in my lap while out at food tasting with friends... Sure, Mountain Dew seemed like a great idea!
First off, Owen has a major sweet tooth. He's learned that the best way to avoid having sugary treats confiscated from him is to go into feast-or-famine mode and vacuum up as much as he can. He'll stuff his cheeks full of marsh mellows so that he resembles a little, half-Asian squirrel preparing for winter. What this meant during this fateful food tasting was that he sucked up more than a quarter of a can of Mountain Dew before I realized how much he had consumed. To put things in perspective... There are 55 mg of caffeine in one soda can. He probably took in at least 14 mg of caffeine over the course of five minutes. The effects were not immediately apparent, at least not to me. He was still as energetic as ever as any little toddler was.
And then... it was 2000, and he was still bouncing off the walls.
And then... it was 2100, and he was still bouncing off the walls. He refused to lay down to go to sleep.
And then... it was 2200, and though he had now consumed over 10 oz of whole, full-fat, delicious, fresh from the dairy milk, he was still bouncing off the walls. Normally 4 oz of milk knocks him out.
And then... it was 2230, and he was still running strong. My husband at this point had given up trying to put him to sleep. He even had given up staying up late sympathetically with me. As he said, "It was your decision to give him Mountain Dew so now you have to pay."
And then... it was 2300, and he was still awake. By this time, he was finally tired, but there was so much caffeine coursing through his system that he couldn't sleep. I also belatedly realized he had never taken a nap. All he could do was make this sad sort of whine/cry every fifteen minutes. He had been up since 0630 in the morning. It was the toddler equivalent of pulling the Ironman in watches (standing the 0200-0700 and then staying up and standing the 2200-0200 watch as well). But I was also exhausted. I had also been up since 0630 without a nap. So I desperately decided to turn to that favorite electronic babysitter, the television. I was afraid I would only find adults-only entertainment, the sort of normal fare you find on HBO only, since I hadn't been up this late watching television in a very long time.
And then... I found it. The beautiful world of 24 hour children's programming on WETA Kids. Thank heavens for public programming! There was something educational, something that wouldn't prove traumatic to my toddler's already fragile state of mind. We watched Thomas the Tank Engine, which seemed really strange from when I used to watch it as kid. In retrospect, the fact that trains have faces where only their eyes move seems really creepy...
And then... by 2355, thanks to the slightly creepy Thomas the Tank Engine and a bottle of milk, Owen was finally blissfully asleep.
I used to wonder why they would make 24 hour children's programming since you know, some of my tax money goes to fund this channel. Kids shouldn't be up that late. Now I know. It's designed for those poor souls who are still awake with their children suffering because they made the terrible parenting decision to let their child have Mountain Dew. So for the next year or so, I am going to promise to not give my toddler Mountain Dew. We'll stick to ginger ale, which at least is caffeine free.
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